tes yeux, j'en reve jour et nuit

sometimes, it feels as if you am swimming across an ocean, true, you may know how to swim, but the journey is simply too long to reach the other end in time, that you might just give it all up and sink into darkness..

sometimes, i don't know, what is waiting for me twenty years later, will i be rich?successful?married?with children i never wanted? i always known and said, life is indeed a bed of roses, but roses however, they come with thorns. i know, sometimes it hurts, people leave, they go away or die. and i have accepted all of these. but the pain of losing my grandfather is so unbearable, that idk what to do.

today, i teared. It was because someone took away my sugar for my earl grey tea again. I guess this was the trigger. once again, life, everything in my life, is taking a toll on me.

sometimes i don't see the point in me working so hard at all, in the end, does it really matter? i don't think god is gonna look at your report card when u go up there.

people say that "yes it doesn't matter, just enjoy the process". wouldn't you end up square one in the end? what if you still do not enjoy the process despite having tried to do so?

blasphemy, i am getting out of here.