im sorry we had to end it that way,theres no turning back for me,for you,for us.

i miss you so much,u know,but thats not enough

i keep telling myself if u know its poison dont drink it and i certainly wont.

i was talking to will just now and i suddenly realised i want someone,whom i can be really comfortable with,the one whom i can wake up with,seeing me sans makeup and looking like shit and still give me a lil kiss on my forehead every morning.

in future i wanna be living in europe with a partner(not husband/bf) because i think its hard to keep up with relationships. we'll be so comfortable and live together and just be happy,theres no need for quarrels and unhappiness,no need to make it more romantic etc.

突然好想你

突然锋利的回忆
突然模糊的眼睛

im feeling much better now after taking the vomit,LS and panadol pills but once i start eating,undigested food will come out unnaturally through the mouth so nothing has stayed in the stomach for the past 24 hrs.

i feel like eating sashimi and macs:(

at 2.46am i saw ur message but no,i wont succumb.

je t'aime mon amour et meilleur ami

you know,its that kind of hurt u feel in ur heart which makes you gloomy all day, the day seems to pass slower,everything u do reminds u of him. The chinese text, i remember how he said it was perfectly made,how i felt my heart squeeze when he said hes not gonna get the subsequent volumes anymore.

you know, its that kind of pain which wouldnt bring tears but in the end out of exasperation, a few tears every now and then still fall unknowingly. i could stare into space, thinking about the one and a half years. funny,the both of u seem to have swop places.

i was thinking,what if that day,u didnt start talking to me,what if that day no one shouted anna in front of me,what if u hadnt met her,would we have been different from now?would we?

comment ça va,mon meilleur ami,
how are days without me?
je t'aime,mon amour
tu me manques

who do you talk to, when your best friend,who happens to be the one u like,broke your heart?

i left before i could change my mind,or before,he could change it for me.

just as i was smiling to myself, someone shouted,bye anna!

and i realised.

ce n'est pas possible

HALFWAY through tuition today, a monkey called and made monkey noises and refused to talk in a human way.

i ended the call with WTF.

5 mins later a guy with a freaking weird accent called.

who is this i kept asking,but the person just laughed.until he was like comment ça va? i was thinking fuck who is this frenchman.i wanted to ask qui est-ce?then he goes cmon, you should know. and at that moment i thought he was in sg seriously oh well. can never happen i guess!

and gabby stop calling me and go to bed pls!

YAU ARE GREAT!:DD

bought two lil dresses yayyyyy

was a damn good day had hell lot of fun at the shops!!

you always know what i want to hear

and whisper it in my ear

when the dark clouds come i knew

you'd beckon me to you

3 more months baby

then it'll be two years lovely.

once, the sun and the wind was competing who would make a man take off his jacket. The wind blew his hardest to force the jacket off the man. But only when the sun shone till its warm that the man took off his jacket.

i dont know if i mentioned this before, i like to contemplate about life a lot.

sometimes i end up wondering,why am i here?is there a reason?anyway i'll die in the end,so why is everybody here?im not a religious person at all just so you know, in fact, i have no religion at all thus it is even harder for me to understand. i always burden myself with stupid thoughts.

should i learn german?

should i stop french?

should i go overseas?

should i spend my money?

or should i save it?

will i have enough?

to questions like

what if i dont get A?

what if i stop tuition?

what if i get lousy grades?

what if im late?

being me is not easy. Will once told me, we should get over it and move on, i always find myself not being able to fall asleep because of my endless questions about my life. and the worst thing is that no one really answers me.either i try to figure it out or just get over it which is very sad. i hanker after knowledge to understand it better,but never fully.

life is not a bed of roses i know,but it doesnt have to be full of rose thorns right?

now, my life is taking flight,its kinda getting exciting but its just so tiring ya know.

It's a long long journey
Till I know where I'm supposed to be
It's a long long journey
And I don't know if I can believe
When shadows fall and block my eyes
I am lost and know that I must hide
It's a long long journey
Till I find my way home to you

Many days I've spent
Drifting on through empty shores
Wondering what's my purpose
Wondering how to make me strong

I know I will falter I know I will cry
I know you'll be standing by my side
It's a long long journey
And I need to be close to you

je suis à la maison maintenant et je suis très fatigueé!!!

finally i bought my french grammar book:)))))

even my teacher said its good so yay!!

kino books are really really dear oh my!!but they are soooo nice to read im serious

so today me and ovi went to town,ngee ann city,kino. so being NP students,we thought there will be a discount for her PRESTIGE card and i malu-ed myself hahaha oh well.

anyway today we were so pissed at everything im serious.

PROFESSEUR: ça va?(how are you?)

MOI: non.(no literally)

PROFESSEUR: pourquoi?tu n'as passé pas une bonne journée?(why, you did not have a good day?)

MOI: oui,je suis très fatiguée mais j'ai acheté un livre sur la grammaire française( yes im very tired but i bought a book on french grammar)

phewwww today i got so tired of french man, feel like giving up but no,im gonna persevere:D

long time since i blogged about my day,normally i just like to put my thoughts down,seriously, i like to do that because thats my feelings.and its too boring if i just blog about my everyday life no?

i was staring at ur smile that i forgot time has secretly slipped past.

today i have a lot of things to say thus so many posts.

if i could turn the time back, i want it to be february 2008.

february 2008, i got into ny. i would have spent more time on math i swear. i would have spent less time on fb and msn.back then,there wasnt dan, it was just gab. i was grieving and hurting. but its okay i guess. at least i had great people around. i miss econs at ny. i miss geog lessons. i miss GP too. and i wouldnt have taken chem.

but now july 2009 i tell myself i got to pass my modules and hopefully get top in at least one!!hopefully not just in french which will really be saddening if not. gab is officially gone and dan is back.oh well.c'est la vie,non?

happy 21st baby.

talk bout self-actualisation

im beginning to find out a lot more about myself these couple of days, so much more than for the past nearly 18 years.

i miss going to parks,i forgot when was the last time i have been to one,

i miss eating ice cream, such a simple thing, u think, one can do it everyday,but the truth is, i havent been eating it since idk when.

i have no time to smell the roses, my life is so packed that i dont have time for myself. let me tell you a typical week of mine.its what i do almost every week without fail.

MONDAY: WAKE UP AT 8.30AM,

REACH SCHOOL AT 11

END AT 4

DO PROJECT UNTIL 6 AND HEAD HOME

REACH HOME AT AROUND 8

HAVE DINNER

DO MORE HOMEWORK TILL LATE

TUESDAY: SAME SCHEDULE EXCEPT AFTER CLASS I JUST HEAD HOME.

WEDNESDAY: 9 TO 8.30PM IN SCHOOL(MID-WEEK BLUES)

THURSDAY: END AT 1

USUALLY DO MORE PROJECT AFTER THAT

AFTER FRENCH I'LL REACH HOME AT 11

FRIDAY: LMS (MOST BORING AND SLACKEST)

IF GOT PROJECT STAY BACK TO DO

OR ELSE GO HOME/HANG OUT AT NIGHT

SATURDAY: PROJECT MAYBE

TUITION AT NIGHT

SUNDAY: TUITION TILL 5pm BEFORE MEETING PMFL

i think i need to find a CCA thats on fridays. but then again, i might be busy on friday next sem.

is life of an 18yo supposed to be like that??????

im finding my de-stress outlets as well,of course, monday blues will mean a cup of earl grey before bed,hang out etc. and im reading blogs as well. and this awesome australian blogger has amazing kids. changed my mind about having kids totally.

the puppy eyed boys with ultra long lashes make me go awwwww

*keeps fingers crossed that my kids will be cuter* haha okay enough

here am i, in the confines of the library,slacking a bit while XH is working on the unfinished econs essay phewwwww

late nights and homework are killing me, i feel grumpy in the day and simple refuses to wake up in the morning:(((((

i need to start working hard.i have been slacking like nobody's business these couple of days.

msn,skype,fb arghh.

tu me manques, mon amour.

I wish the summer winds could bring back paradise too

part of a song someone insisted me on listening to it

Tonight's the night well make history, honey, you and i

And I'll take any risk to tie back the hands of time
And stay with you here tonight
I know you feel these are the worst of times
I do believe its true
When people lock their doors and hide inside
Rumor has it it's the end of paradise
But I know, if the world just passed us by
Baby I know, you wouldn't have to cry

The best of times are when Im alone with you
Some rain some shine, well make this a world for two
Our memories of yesterday will last a lifetime
Well take the best, forget the rest
And someday we'll find these are the best of times
These are the best of times

that day,during written communications chat online i was so up and pro-abortion, because i thought that should be the way,obviously,i cant be giving up my entire life for a lump of flesh in my body if i really were pregnant. i have my dreams,dreams that are so huge and doesnt allow me to have a baby,not just yet.

i suspected, if i go all the way trying to work for UN,i might not even end up getting married at all,dan will prolly ditch me cuz he wants a family,i never really told him bout my plans,but i did say kids only when i turn 26-28.because thats supposedly the age when u have high chances of getting a clever kid. but definitely will not happen,if UN is on the cards.

but i just read an australian chinese's blog(quite famous one) and her newborn is so cute!!!

it dawned upon me that im so inhumane,man.

BUT still never will i give up everything.stick to my point.unlessss the baby is guaranteed cute haha.or maybe not.

HOW WAS YOUR NIGHT, MONSIEUR P.?

says:

*ni hao ma

beauté fatale says:

*hen hao

*ni ne?

says:

*bu cuo

*how was your day?

beauté fatale says:

*good

says:

*don't you ask for my night?

beauté fatale says:

*how was ur night?

says:

*not long enough

beauté fatale says:

*why

says:

*idk this girl..

*she's trying to get away from me for no reason

beauté fatale says:

*maybe she has a reason

says:

*won't you regret?

*sorry

*won't she regret

beauté fatale says:

*maybe

says:

*...

MY BABY BABY BOY

heres some webcam pics:))))

il est beau,non?

commentaires, s'il vous plâit :))

because theres anna, anna and still anna

For those of you wondering why the pic is up again its cuz WE ARE ALRIGHT AGAIN.

AT LEAST FOR NOW.

we had a good heart to heart talk about whats wrong and what really sucked in our relationship.

so...

he promised to make an effort,so lets see baby.

even as hes having exams,hes studying online so we can talk!

i love you lovely.

idk whats worse, not talking to you or not want to talk to u at all.

i can tell,ure putting in effort

now,i feel bad

very bad.

but yay harry potter tmr :DDDDD

i totally forgot theres slughorn and all

wheres that damned book in my house!

a couple of months more baby and i get to kiss u like no one else business!!!

cant wait tata!!

u say u want to get it back like how it used to be

to have fun like in the past

but twice,twice i saw the exchange of words

thats when i knew going back was never an option

je te laisse y penser

bonne nuit et...

au revoir.

when i first held your hand

it felt like it would fit into mine forever

when i first saw the smiling blue eyes

i thought i could keep those sapphires always

but when pretty eyes lie,you cant tell

when unfufilled promises hit

i tell myself its not worth it

no more.

PICKUP LINES BABY

rmb me and sarah baby used to guffaw loudly in the office as we went through the pickup lines on her itouch

1)Do you have any raisins? No? How about a date?
2)I was blinded by your beauty so I'm going to need your name and number for insurance reasons.
3)I'm sorry, were you talking to me? Her: No. Well then, please start.

4)Is that top felt? [No] Would you like it to be?
5)Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?
6)Is your last name Gillette cause your the best a man can get.

7)Are you a parking ticket? (What?) You got fine written all over you.
8)I'm invisible. (Really?) Can you see me? (Yes) How about tomorrow night?

I AM A PIRATE,WANT TO HOOK UP?~~

i miss your touch

i miss your taste

the smell on you

your house,that comfy place

your warm fingers on my face

the tv playing in the background

and out of a sudden

it felt like i was on the swing in the playground

miss my baby a lot suddenly.

oh well.tired.it sucks when people put you down in such a way that it makes you want to give up.

whats wrong with being hungry for more knowledge?my dad thinks im piling too much on my plate and hes totally not supportive of me learning hindi.damnit.

but in any case learning another language is defo on my plate because i dont want to be older and then it makes it harder for me to learn already:(

okk i think i just stick with french till i turn 18!! then i'll take up german!!

je reve tes yeux jour et nuit mon cheri.

my life is looking up,

youre up looking down

he stands by my side

you stand at the door

you look at me

and i can still see in your eyes

the longing for me,

for us,

but look into my eyes and see that guilt.

je suis desolée sweetheart.

Guilty of those rendez-vous-es

next weekend,lovely.

im gonna learn hindiiiii soon

smile at me again, green eyes

juillet, c'est bon, non?

tuesday was really good,it was.

the same kind of face, the same taste of breath, why baby,why isnt it you?

come closer and pull me in

for i want to take in your scent again

as you press your stubbled face against my cheek

make us feel alive once more.

i never had the luxury to sleep past 9 these few days,so i woke up at about 8.40am,washed up, and eat my breakfast mechanically while staring into space,thinking.

these days i have been thinking,more than i usually do,

im thinking whats wrong with us,

im thinking,whats wrong with me,

im wondering,how to go about doing the endless homework

im thinking,how to include him in my schedule

im wondering,if things will still stay this way

im contemplating, if i should block u off my msn completely

and im wondering,if i'll ever have the money to visit europe

these lil random things has been clogging up my mind lately

i find myself staring into the com and even into the mirror thinking

how?comment?zen me ban?

me:maybe its just this way

G:idk

me:forget it

G: what?

me:nothing

G:forget about us?

D:yeah

G:ok :l

me: we shouldnt have started talking

G: wow

me: im so upset cuz of us

THE END

I WANT TO CRY BECAUSE....IM SO STRESSED

ITS LIKE BACK IN JC,mannnnnnn

im wondering how can i fucking write out 3000 word essay in two weeks.

FUCK.

Here is the analysis:

1. You have 2 true friends.
2. You will have 1 true love before getting married.
3. It is your work ethic that you stop and rest for as long as you want.
4. Here is the description of your ideal mate: "powerful and handsome"
5. GABRIEL is the person you will never get over for the rest of your life.
6. You give 70% in a relationship.

Here is the analysis:

1. Your ideal mate has a sense of humor and is lively.
2. Most of your plan would be successful. When you wish, you make a reasonable wish.
3. Success depends on someone's faith in their ability. That's your attitudes towards success.
4. You are a person of principle. You respect social rules and regulations.
5. You are emotional, sincere and optimistic.

damnnnnnn

ARE YOU SURE YOURE NOT JUST AN ACQUAINTANCE?

fuck you.

i knew i brought this upon myself the moment you decided to come back to me.

im in this huge dilemma now.

i have no idea what to do.

FML.

Love is always guilty,aint it?

i stand accused of love in the first degree

if u had any idea how upset i was,u wouldnt do this to me.

once upon a time

you were so sure that

we would always talk like we do

did u ever wonder,if i would say goodbye?

did u ever regret,talking that much to me?

im sorry i hurt you,pushed you away.

but i guess i cant be the one you need when shes there

it hurts when i see ur words on screen, c long,

doesnt it mean c'est long?

i miss you.